bad, fat friend

I'll bring the schnapps and the skim, let me know what kind of cocoa you like and I'll bring that too. I haven't been pulling my weight around here, regifted bad wine and already opened cookies are an outrage! What kind of friend/guest am I why do I continue to get an invite?

I enjoy the portion of the evening when we complain about being fat. It is entertaining to listen to not really fat, fat girls talk about the ridiculous amount of food we consume. Honestly, I should be way fatter than I am. I ate 1 heaping bowl of spag (as opposed to my usual 2 or 3 but I had a late lunch) covered in cheese, a half block of cheese coated in oil, a half loaf of bread dipped in a cup of oil, a half jar of nutella and not a shred of lettuce in sight. I would have had a half bottle of bad wine to wash it all down if it weren't for those pesky brats always killing my buzz. I am constantly bitching about not being able to eat like I used to. Seriously???